How to Walk into an Old House and Snoop, without Annoying the Owners

When you are on the front porch, look at the ceiling over the deck. It should be sky blue–something to do with helping the cool breezes to make their way through the house. Look at the columns that support the roof of the porch: are they round? Fluted? And what sort of capital (Doric? Ionic? Corinthian?) do they have? Is there any "gingerbread" woodwork around the upper porch? Are there shingles shaped like little shields in the horizontal walls? Is the roof cedar shakes? Tin? Tile? Slate? Is the porch original? Then look over the door: is the glass work in the shape of a sunburst, or is it all square or rectangular? Is it composed of mullioned windows or diamond-shaped panes? What about the glass? Does it look all runny or is it clear? Are the windows three-light mullions or six-light mullions? How many times do you think the doorway has been painted, in its life? Is the front door painted "Charleston green," which is as much black as green? How large is the front door? Could you get a piano or a large fourposter bed through the opening? What about a lady in a bustle like Scarlett O'Hara? What is the threshold like?

Where does the hallway go? Could people have danced in it? Where are the stairs to the second story? If you are in the rear of the house, are the stairs narrow and steep, for servants? Or are they wide, expensive, and curvy, in the front to impress front-door visitors? Are the stairs back stairs or front stairs? How wide is the hallway? How tall are the ceilings? Are there chandeliers? Are the chandeliers crystal, brass, or tin? Are they meant to hold candles or did they at one time provide gaslight? Are the windows draped in draperies to shut out the sun in July or August, or are they ornamented somehow with heavy fabric, perhaps a velvet or a brocade with silk backing? Is there a jabot–a side portion of a window treatment where fabric is draped in soft folds vertically?



Look at the floor. How wide are the beams? How dark is the floor, from use or from dark staining? Do you smell Murphy’s Oil Soap? Can you tell from the grain whether the wood is heart pine or oak? Are there gaps between the boards filled with oakum?



Look at the moldings and ornamentation–chair moldings and crown moldings and ceiling bosses. How finely made are they? Are they all hand-carved and do they show some eccentricities or irregularities in the carving? Is there dentile cornicing? How well are the corners of the crown molding put together? Do the fireplaces have mantels? Of marble, painted wood, or stained wood? How large are the fireplaces? Do they have metal hanging pot-racks that swing out for kitchen pots to hang on? Are the chimneys central to the house or on either end? Was the kitchen of the house detached from the house? What sort of chimney pot is at the top of the chimneys?

Chimney pot

Does the house have painted walls? Murals? Wallpaper? Or are the walls wooden or paneled? Do the windows have small panes or large?? Do the windows have rope supports that go to hidden weights? Is there a kind of shutter below the front, bay-facing windows, to let air pass through (never mind the noseeums or mosquitoes)? That is called a jib door, and it is usually hidden in the wainscoting. Do the doors between rooms slide back into the wall? Those are called pocket doors. Do most of the doors have doorknobs and locks? Are any of the doorknobs crystal? Are there keys still in the locks? Are the keys and the locks solid brass?

Are there no closets in the old house? Are there wardrobes instead? Does period furniture include commodes (fancy wooden enclosures for chamber pots–porcelain toilets with handles)? Highboys? Blanket chests? Basins and pitchers for washing?

If you can identify all these things and give names to them, you will impress the owners of any old house you enter.